Never did I think that I would live through something that will take up an entire chapter in my kid’s history book. I did not expect the last 12 weeks of my junior year to be taken away; for my junior prom to be cancelled and ripped from my calendar like the rest of my plans. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind, other times I’m sure of it. 

Like everyone else I’m confused. Confused about why this is happening, how a virus could completely stop the earth from spinning (well not literally that would be a whole new level of disaster), confused about when life as we knew it stopped, and confused about the unit of math I’m trying to learn over zoom (by the way; not going well). I find myself lost in my thoughts and anxiety frequently, but I’d just like to take a moment to highlight what is keeping me sane during this whole thing.

First and foremost, I’ve come to an essential conclusion. People are important! You may be asking yourself why this is so significant to me, like isn’t that a given? Well, yeah, but oftentimes I find myself being thankful for the people I like, the people I genuinely enjoy being around. After three weeks of near isolation and not being at school, I’ve realized I miss the people I don’t really like and even the people I don’t even know. I miss laughing at the bizarre comments from the kid across the room. I miss walking down a hallway filled with more bodies than my twin brother and my dog. I miss teachers being able to physically help me in my struggles, not being contained to email or Zoom. I even miss the student teacher that may or may not have caused me stress in the morning. 

Sorry to break this news to you but I’ve been following social distancing loosely. Don’t come at me please, because this is the only way I have been able to stay myself. The main sources of my joy and sanity have been through the in-our-own-car meet ups with my best friends to get Dunkin’ or watch the sunset or just be with each other. It has truly been better for me than anything else could be.

Second on the list: outside. I have run, walked, biked, and just sat outside more than I have in quite some time. Blessed by some good weather for Nebraska in March (watching snow fall in my window as I write this #nebraskaproblems), there have been a few days where I spent a total of 15 minutes inside from sunrise to sunset, and even got a good burn one day. Let me tell you, AP Lang is a little more bearable when it’s sunny and 75 and you’re not stuck in a classroom. 

Number three. Hobbies. I am a very creative person; working on projects is an outlet for me and this time at home has allowed me to do SO many things. I’ve painted door hangers and door mats, made outline versions of my favorite pictures with my friends, covered a wall in my room with photos, cropped some shirts, and the list goes on. Another hobby I picked up recently is working out. When there’s not much to do, it’s pretty easy to like running and find ab workouts on Tik Tok. 

Numero Quatro is online shopping. Not much to say for this one but retail therapy is real, there are way too many good sales for my bank account to handle, and I really need my job back. 

Lucky number five (I’m not really sure if five is a lucky number but now it is!). My faith. Really this one is at the top, but it is the thing I sadly realized most recently. I am a very faith-driven person and have been all my life, especially the past year, but this situation has had me struggling. I have so many questions that I can’t answer myself and it seems like God hasn’t been answering them either, but that all changed Easter Sunday. Normally a happy sunny day filled with pancakes, eggs, worship, and a very Easter message, 2020 was different, like everything else this year. The message really stuck with me. 

As I was sitting on the couch in my Comfy with my family, I listened to worship pastors from the 34 locations of Life.Church sing Amazing Grace from the comfort of their homes. I have played the video over and over because something about it brings me so much peace. Then the message started. Titled “When Life Feels out of Control” I felt at-ed. Everything that I was questioning, struggling with, and hating was brought to light. I highly recommend going back to watch it for yourself, but in the end I realized I, like so many people, was trying to control what was happening, like I have that ability. 

God can do way more with your surrender than you can do with your control.

This statement resonated with me so so much and I am letting go of trying to control what’s happening and what’s going to happen, because I’ve never been able to control it. Freely giving God the reins for him to do what he knows best has been one of the most freeing, de-stressing things all of quarantine. 

Yes; I feel like I’ve lost my marbles a couple times but I think I’m finding them.